Cripple Without Crutches

Often, there are days that I make it not only out of bed, but out of the house.

Today is one.

My husband and I are opening a bookstore and today I did a lot of things to make that goal a continued reality. This is exciting. I opened a door for a lady at Hobby Lobby and she told me, “You are the nicest thing today”. That compliment alone should have made me sail for the rest of the day. I even look pretty, I’m all dressed up from my meeting. Also, this evening I’ll be celebrating my nephew’s birthday. So many things went well today already.

Yet.

Here I am feeling crappy about myself because of one tiny snub.

It’s times like this that I remember how the traumas in my life have made the task of having any self-esteem almost impossible. That part isn’t my fault.

The fault that is mine is continuing to forget that my worth isn’t found in what I DO. Jesus doesn’t love me because I held the door open for that lady or because I have been very strict about my commentary on certain individuals. Jesus loves me, GOD loves me, and by extension of that miracle, I have WORTH. That is all.

GOD is LOVE. GOD is GOODNESS.

He doesn’t need my love or my goodness. But He CHOOSES to love me. His choice gives me worth, nothing else.

Jesus, didn’t die to make me a “better person”. He was crucified so that I could be a SAVED person. So that I could have a RELATIONSHIP with Him.

I try to be a better person so I can have a better relationship with Christ, so that I can have a better relationship with the world, so that I can look in the mirror and see a bit fewer things that can hide my actual identity: A BROKEN WOMAN LOVED BY GOD.

The people who rip you off, cut you off, snub you, laugh at you, make you cry, grieve your heart:
Jesus loves them too. They have the same worth that you do. Not because they’ve earned it, but because GOD CHOSE for them to have worth. Same as He chose all of us.

He chooses all of us, He calls all of us; not everyone answers and not everyone acts like they’ve answered, but GOD is sovereign. He ALONE reigns and His Voice alone is what stands without question.

 

That’s my sin. That I forget. That I dare forget the Love of GOD.

I do wish that we lived in a world that made it a little more difficult to forget.

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