The Long Road of Grief: Jim and Jean

    I used to believe that grief could be measured. That the amount of sorrow you should feel about something was some how dispensed to you and that you got less the further away you were from the epicenter of tragedy. The flaw in that system is that grief is not a controllable entity. […]

Is Your Small Group A Social Club?

This post isn’t my first about problems that I’ve seen in The Church. It probably won’t be my last. But what I have learned in the last year is that abandonment can come from the strangest places. Even your church small group. But wait? Isn’t it supposed to be a collection of friends? If not […]

The Whole Point of My Blog

  My relationship with GOD is always the first thing to suffer when things get difficult for me in the mental health department. I forget how to pray. I forget how important it is to pray. I fight the feelings of shame and failure when things aren’t miraculously “better” just because I’m checking all the […]

For Caregivers: Childhood Trauma and Self Soothing

When I was little, I would lay in my bed and brush my hair all to one side. Like someone would if they ran their hands through my hair. When things were scary, I would hide under my bed or in my closet. If that was an option. When I wet the bed, I got […]

I Have Nothing To Show For My Life

If you ask me where I’m from, I will doubtless tell you about Northern Virginia. It is a singular place. It’s an even more singular place to grow up. In the midst of a largely transient community there is a sub culture of standbys who make their presence known by consistency and nothing more. I grew up in […]

Sexual Abuse and Hygiene

    Diane Langberg’s book, On the Threshold of Hope, is full of wise and healing advice. So much so, that I couldn’t actually get past a particular chapter. Turns out, there are things even I would rather not face head on. What a lot of survivors won’t tell you is that we fight a seemingly […]

PTSD and Laughter

                          It was during a one act competition my junior year that I ironically won an award for playing a young actress who was struggling with dissociative identity disorder. I had no idea what was waiting in my mind. Looking at this picture […]

Please Stop Saying You Have a “Phobia”

Phobias are a real thing. They are severe, pervasive, and debilitating. When your frontal lobe (reasoning center) shuts off because you are terrified by the prospect of whatever the stimulus is it is more than just being scared of a bug. There are things I can’t look at or talk about. Some I have no […]

Rethink Trauma: What Your Words Mean

I can’t tell you how many times I have been standing, sitting, lounging, or was otherwise stationary in a group of people and heard someone say not just something hurtful about PTSD but hateful. Then they laugh. Then I bite my lip and try not to burst into tears and insults all at the same time.  […]

Okay? Okay.

Decapitation and other severed body parts are common in surrealist art, especially, of the female form and I can’t help but feel like this woman. Often. It seems lately that for every step I take forward, several are lost. For the amount of hours I clock with my nose to the proverbial grindstone, I find […]