The Holiday Funk

The holidays are my husband’s favorite time of year. He loves decorating, shopping for gifts, wrapping presents, and seeing people’s faces when they open what he’s gotten them. He loves Christmas trees, Advent calendars, Christmas stories, claymation specials; any thing Christmas related- he’s on it. He refers to Christmas movies simply as “Christmases”. “Do you […]

The Whole Point of My Blog

  My relationship with GOD is always the first thing to suffer when things get difficult for me in the mental health department. I forget how to pray. I forget how important it is to pray. I fight the feelings of shame and failure when things aren’t miraculously “better” just because I’m checking all the […]

For Caregivers: Childhood Trauma and Self Soothing

When I was little, I would lay in my bed and brush my hair all to one side. Like someone would if they ran their hands through my hair. When things were scary, I would hide under my bed or in my closet. If that was an option. When I wet the bed, I got […]

I Have Nothing To Show For My Life

If you ask me where I’m from, I will doubtless tell you about Northern Virginia. It is a singular place. It’s an even more singular place to grow up. In the midst of a largely transient community there is a sub culture of standbys who make their presence known by consistency and nothing more. I grew up in […]

Chronic Fatigue and PTSD

Yesterday I did second interviews for our seasonals at the bookstore. There is, like with every job I hold, a time when I have to explain certain things to bosses or to, now, employees. Since I’ve spent the better part of the last four years either hiding the fact that I was sleeping when I […]

Sexual Abuse and Hygiene

    Diane Langberg’s book, On the Threshold of Hope, is full of wise and healing advice. So much so, that I couldn’t actually get past a particular chapter. Turns out, there are things even I would rather not face head on. What a lot of survivors won’t tell you is that we fight a seemingly […]

PTSD and Laughter

                          It was during a one act competition my junior year that I ironically won an award for playing a young actress who was struggling with dissociative identity disorder. I had no idea what was waiting in my mind. Looking at this picture […]

Please Stop Saying You Have a “Phobia”

Phobias are a real thing. They are severe, pervasive, and debilitating. When your frontal lobe (reasoning center) shuts off because you are terrified by the prospect of whatever the stimulus is it is more than just being scared of a bug. There are things I can’t look at or talk about. Some I have no […]

Healing and the Comparison Game

Everyone’s life is different. It’s just the truth. It seems that there are just as many disabilities as abilities and we see story after story of people overcoming obstacles. I just saw that someone- that I admit I was not particularly fond of in high school- has become a model. She has always had a […]

Okay? Okay.

Decapitation and other severed body parts are common in surrealist art, especially, of the female form and I can’t help but feel like this woman. Often. It seems lately that for every step I take forward, several are lost. For the amount of hours I clock with my nose to the proverbial grindstone, I find […]